Wednesday, December 24, 2014

Counting My Blessings

Yesterday marked two years since my family lost our warrior princess to cancer. Her death took such a toll on our entire family. Time has helped but not a day goes by when I don't think of her. She inspired me to go back to church. She motivated me to train for my first triathlon. She is my hero. At just 14 years of age Marlene had so much love for life, so much passion to live, and the biggest heart. All she wanted to do was help others. She loved to tell her story to all who would listen. Just because she got cancer, she never played the victim or got mad at God. She embraced her disease and fought until the bitter the end she still didn't lose. She gained her wings and is now my guardian angel.

She passed away at the hospital I work at. I was emotional wreck. I hated coming to work because it was just a constant reminder of her passing. The anxiety and tears would build up almost immediately. I completely avoided the PICU (pediatric intensive care unit) for this reason.  I couldn't come to work without crying multiple times.  My coworkers and husband can vouch for how unstable I was.  For months I felt like this! I felt so lost and alone. I felt guilty that I couldn't do more for her. That I couldn't help her fight longer. My reasoning was crazy, but I couldn't help but feel this way. 

I still get moments of sadness. It's only natural especially during this time of year. I can't help but be a little more emotional. I miss her, plain and simple. Cancer is a horrible disease that unfortunately took our Marlene and my grandfather a year ago next week. Recently my father was also diagnosed with cancer. I haven't shared this with many people but a few months ago I did mention I was going through a pretty tough time. His recent diagnosis hit us like a ton of bricks. I just can't imagine my life without my father. This Christmas all I want is to spend time with my family. I want to treasure every moment I have left to spend with them. I am truly fortunate and thankful for all that I have. But this holiday season, I ask for prayers for all those that are having a difficult time this time of year. A prayer goes a long way...

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I am linking up with Amanda from Running with Spoons


  1. I'm new to your blog - it's great by the way. I'm sorry to hear both about the loss of Marlene, and your father's health. I, like you, believe in miracles - and I'll be praying! :)

    1. Thank you! That is really all I ask for. Prayers do go a long way. :)