The Real Reason I've Gained Weight

I know I've mentioned quite a bit about my "unexpected" weight gain over the last few years. You've heard me talk about how frustrating it's been to see the number on the scale keep getting higher and my clothes keep getting tighter. And you've heard me complain about regardless of how much I run or workout, I just cant seem to loose the weight. Well I guess I should start being honest and tell you guys the real reason why I have gained 20 pounds over the last two and a half years. Well here goes:

 

For the last two and half years I have been on hormones and fertility medications which have caused this weight gain. Yes...my husband and I are infertile.

 

 

It is something that I honestly didn't even know how to deal with myself. My husband and I always knew we wanted children. But after trying for close to a year with no success we had to see what was the issue. Well come to find out I was never ovulating. So we started fertility treatments to get me to ovulate. Of course I still didn't, so they had to increase my dosage. This went on for five months and just like that ten pounds came on along with mood swings and night sweats. Not only was I on medications but I was also having to have labs, special procedures, and ultra sounds done to see if everything was functioning corretly. This went on for a few more months and there came the next five pounds. If you are following along then that makes it 15 pounds of added weight caused by my infertility. You can imagine how hard this was for not only me but for my husband. We were stressed beyond belief and unsure of what our future had in store for us. All this time we thought I was the only one with issues, but we discovered that not only was it me but my husband as well. Now our chances were even slimmer than what we had hoped to concieve naturally. Our next option was to try IUI with a different fertility specialist. Well the last five pounds came shortly after that. We attempted one round of IUI and failed. We failed because I had to many follicles. Basically I was now to fertile and they couldn't risk me being the next Octomom.  After that horrible experience we just decided to take a break. Emotinally, physcially, and financially we were drained. The only option we had left and still do is to try IVF.

 

 

So that leaves us to present day and 20 pounds later.  I have never really been comfortable talking about having babies so you can imagine when all this was happening how alone I felt. Only a few of my close friends knew I was going through this. It's just not something I really wanted to share to the world and honestly not that many people really want to talk about it. To be honest I was just a bit embarassed. Friends started noticing the weight gain but I just kept making excuses.  I couldn't bring myself to telling them the truth. That this weight gain was completely out of my control. That I was infertile.

 

 

Being 20 pounds heavier made me feel so insecure. The extra weight literally weighed me down. I could instantly feel the difference in my running. Now it's been a few months since we stopped everything and the added weight is still there. I've come to terms with it though. All of this almost broke me. I was miserable, depressed, moody, and just so unhappy. I couldn't get past how unlucky I felt.  You can imagine how much I hated (and still do) being asked when I'm having kids. If people only knew, that is the one thing my husband and I want more than anything in this world. It used to break my heart knowing we may never get to have kids. But that time off really helped us. We realized this is all in God's hands. All I can do is try to keep positive regardless of all the negativity around me. We are faithful that we will have a child either through IVF or adoption. 

 

I want to really thank you guys for letting me get this off my chest. In the next few months my husband I will embark in another fertility journey...IVF. There will be more weight gain, more crazy hormones, but maybe we'll finally get that baby we have been hoping for. So please be patient with me as I go through this.

 



 

 

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