Thursday, September 24, 2015

The Real Reason I've Gained Weight

I know I've mentioned quite a bit about my "unexpected" weight gain over the last few years. You've heard me talk about how frustrating it's been to see the number on the scale keep getting higher and my clothes keep getting tighter. And you've heard me complain about regardless of how much I run or workout, I just cant seem to loose the weight. Well I guess I should start being honest and tell you guys the real reason why I have gained 20 pounds over the last two and a half years. Well here goes:
 
For the last two and half years I have been on hormones and fertility medications which have caused this weight gain. Yes...my husband and I are infertile.
 
 
It is something that I honestly didn't even know how to deal with myself. My husband and I always knew we wanted children. But after trying for close to a year with no success we had to see what was the issue. Well come to find out I was never ovulating. So we started fertility treatments to get me to ovulate. Of course I still didn't, so they had to increase my dosage. This went on for five months and just like that ten pounds came on along with mood swings and night sweats. Not only was I on medications but I was also having to have labs, special procedures, and ultra sounds done to see if everything was functioning corretly. This went on for a few more months and there came the next five pounds. If you are following along then that makes it 15 pounds of added weight caused by my infertility. You can imagine how hard this was for not only me but for my husband. We were stressed beyond belief and unsure of what our future had in store for us. All this time we thought I was the only one with issues, but we discovered that not only was it me but my husband as well. Now our chances were even slimmer than what we had hoped to concieve naturally. Our next option was to try IUI with a different fertility specialist. Well the last five pounds came shortly after that. We attempted one round of IUI and failed. We failed because I had to many follicles. Basically I was now to fertile and they couldn't risk me being the next Octomom.  After that horrible experience we just decided to take a break. Emotinally, physcially, and financially we were drained. The only option we had left and still do is to try IVF.
 
 
So that leaves us to present day and 20 pounds later.  I have never really been comfortable talking about having babies so you can imagine when all this was happening how alone I felt. Only a few of my close friends knew I was going through this. It's just not something I really wanted to share to the world and honestly not that many people really want to talk about it. To be honest I was just a bit embarassed. Friends started noticing the weight gain but I just kept making excuses.  I couldn't bring myself to telling them the truth. That this weight gain was completely out of my control. That I was infertile.
 
 
Being 20 pounds heavier made me feel so insecure. The extra weight literally weighed me down. I could instantly feel the difference in my running. Now it's been a few months since we stopped everything and the added weight is still there. I've come to terms with it though. All of this almost broke me. I was miserable, depressed, moody, and just so unhappy. I couldn't get past how unlucky I felt.  You can imagine how much I hated (and still do) being asked when I'm having kids. If people only knew, that is the one thing my husband and I want more than anything in this world. It used to break my heart knowing we may never get to have kids. But that time off really helped us. We realized this is all in God's hands. All I can do is try to keep positive regardless of all the negativity around me. We are faithful that we will have a child either through IVF or adoption. 
 
I want to really thank you guys for letting me get this off my chest. In the next few months my husband I will embark in another fertility journey...IVF. There will be more weight gain, more crazy hormones, but maybe we'll finally get that baby we have been hoping for. So please be patient with me as I go through this.
 

 
 
Other places you can find me:
Twitter: fitwrunner
Bloglovin': fitwanderlustrunner


I am linking up with Amanda from Running with Spoons 

  
 

26 comments:

  1. It takes a lot of guts to share this, and I haven't personally experienced the situation you are in but I wish you the best experience possible during a not-so-awesome time. Good luck to you and your husband, you are stronger than you know!

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    1. Thank you Sam. I am definitely trying to stay positive through all of this.

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  2. Yes this takes a lot of bravery to share, and I love that you are so honest. <3 Taking care of our bodies is sometimes hard but important. When my dad thought I should gain weight about 5 years ago, it was TOUGH to hear, but it was so good for me, because with the weight, I gained life and my period back.

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    1. Thank you very much Emily. I am glad to hear that things are going great for you too.

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  3. I am so so sorry to hear you are going through this. Remember that your weight has nothing to do with who you are as a person - even though our society is constantly telling us the opposite. Good luck to you and your husband on this journey <3

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    1. Hayley that is great advice! Thank you so much for the kind words.

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  4. Oh lady, I'm so sorry that you're going through this. I experienced the same sort of thing while recovering from my eating disorder, and I know how hard it can be to deal with the physical changes that come with having to attend to our health. Sending tonnes of positive vibes your way <3

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    1. Amanda thank you so much for your encouraging words and positive vibes. You are a great blogger friend. :)

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  5. I am sending so much love and prayers your way!!!!! I went through this exact struggle 3 years ago. It was a horribly painful time in my life. Even though I had my husband, and supportive family, I felt more alone than I have ever felt. I, too, gained weight in the process and have never been able to get back to my pre-fertility treatment weight.
    I wish I had words of wisdom or the ability to take away pain. All I can say is I'm sorry. You are strong. You are brave. And you are beautiful.

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    1. Heather, your words mean so much to me right now. I love hearing other people stories going through simliar or exact situations like mine. It gives me hope and it makes me feel not alone.

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  6. I am so sorry to hear that. I know that you probably don't want to hear anyone elses problems. I have been battling depression (Major) and have gained a lot of weight. I kept wondering why my times were going down that just depressed me more. I have just learned to accept it as I am recovering. I cannot imagine what you and your husband are going through. I know that God is in control so have faith.
    bakingrunner.blogspot.com

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    1. Heather I am so sorry to hear your are going through such a tough time. I know how horrible depression is. Unfortunately I've been there too. But you are absolutely right, it is all in God's hands.

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  7. Oh, Daisy! My heart goes out to you and your husband during this rough time. BIG hugs. I appreciate your honesty in sharing your journey, and know that we are here for support and positive thoughts :)

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  8. Not only an incredibly courageous story, but a good dose of reality / reminder to those of us feeling insecure about recent weight gain to own it and live it. Feel the beauty of it and accept it.

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  9. i'm sorry to hear about your struggles with this but will be keeping you in my prayers!

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  10. Thank you so much for sharing! I'm sorry you have to go through this pain. It is definitely not something anyone should have to go through. You are always in my prayers! :)

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    1. Tedi you inspired me to be open about this. Your strength is something that made me want to share this. Thank you!

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    1. Gah, why are those Clomid lbs so freakin' impossible to shed? I went on no less than TEN clomid cycles, each with weight gain, heat flashes and night sweats. If it is any comfort, the side effects from the IVF treatment were far less than the clomid, at least in my case. And, well - the treatment resulted in a 25 lbs weight gain, but it was gained over the course of nine months and very much wanted ;)

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    2. Aww! I am glad in the end it was all worth it and the end result was just what you had hoped for. :)

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  12. Hi daisy thanks for sharing your idea about weight gained. As a doctor we provide ivf treatment cost in Delhi.

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  13. You know your projects stand out of the herd. There is something special about them. It seems to me all of them are really brilliant! Luca Holland

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